Can I go back to school yet?

Because right now, I seriously can’t deal with being at home.  Too many health issues, too many personality conflicts, and far too much shit I don’t want to deal with.  I don’t care if that makes me sound selfish, but I just don’t want to be here anymore.  After New Year’s Eve, I really have nothing to look forward to.  Two weeks of boredom and drama and unnecessary shit at home.  Really, when can we all go back?  I may ask my parents if I can a day early.  That’s how eager I am. 

In other news, I’m stuck on my novel, so I can’t distract myself with that, and I’m not really in the mood to read, because all the books I have are bloody depressing.  I need something light-hearted, and I’m not getting that either.  Plus, I have nowhere to go outside my house save the bookstore or the library.  Music is giving me trouble because I can’t understand guitar tabs, and the stuff I need to start doing before school goes back in session is not looking appealing either.  Maybe I’ll start looking for places to live next year tonight, just for something to do online while I wait for someone to get back to me on facebook.  

Yeah, I’m going insane here.  And even though I feel bad for complaining about it, that guilt is not going to stop me from whining. 

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Wow.

Have I really not posted an entry to this since . . . oh, wait.  It was December 12th when I last posted.  Not nearly as long ago as I thought it would be.  However, that was only a Writer’s Block entry, so I’m not sure it entirely counts.  Anyway, much has happened since I last posted . . . whenever I last posted a real entry.  I’ve finished another semester at school, which feels like something of an accomplishment.  It won’t feel as real until my grades are up, which I’ve been checking for EVERY DAY.  No such luck, and I’m going insane.

On the other hand, I lost my grandmother–my mom’s mother–exactly a week ago today, and I feel bad for not feeling worse about it.  I think we’re just all so relieved that she isn’t suffering anymore, than it hurts less that she’s gone.  She was sick for a really long time, and I’m hoping she’s in a place where cancer doesn’t exist.  That’s one Christmas wish down, I suppose.

At any rate, it’s sort of nice to be home.  I don’t feel like dealing with the various issues a certain member of my family has, mostly because they refuse to acknowledge that said issues exist.  Maybe the upcoming appointment will clear that up.  Here’s hoping anyway.  Still, it’s nice to see my family, and the one friend I’ve managed to spend time with.  Plans with the rest of the crowd are forthcoming, and there will probably be an update about that.

On the down side, I still can’t get away from the fact that my boyfriend will not be back at school next semester, and I don’t like it one bit.  I like having him around, being able to run up to his room and have him run down to mine.  I like being able to go on crazy random dessert runs at eleven o’clock at night, and sleep over just because it suits us.  A very large part of me wishes I didn’t have to deal with the whole separation thing until summer.  I’m very bad at being selfless.

Talked to him on the night I got back from the funeral for a good three and a half hours, until nearly two a.m.  It was a good conversation, but there were two things about it that got under my skin.  Only one of them truly bothers me.  Unless it comes up again, he won’t be hearing about it for awhile.  I feel like we touch on this subject too much anyway. 

While I’m on that front, I also need to contact my roomie post Christmas about a food/hanging out run.  And possibly find somewhere with WiFi so I can borrow her computer for something basic that mine seems incapable of doing.  *bats eyelashes hopefully*  We’ll see how everything works out. 

Happy holidays, everyone!