I was able to persuade my boyfriend into staying the night, though it was not in his original plan. He has no issues with this, and the brother who has to come and get him has no issues with this, because it means he gets to get out of the house and come to dinner with us tomorrow evening before he takes my boyfriend home. Or at least, that’s the impression I get.
However, my boyfriend’s mother was not keen on this idea because she has not seen him since Thursday, and he’ll be coming back on Sunday evening, before going back to work on Monday. Should I feel guilty about keeping him from his family, when I haven’t seen him in a week, since last Saturday? I feel as though I should, but I don’t. At all.
It is what it is I guess. I’m not forcing him to be here, although he knows that I like him to be. I guess I’ll just hope that his mom isn’t too annoyed with him, especially since he promised he’d be going to church on Sunday morning. Not that big a deal to me, but to each their own . . .
I would like J.R.R. Tolkien’s writing ability, because boy oh boy did that man have a gift for both the use of languages and story-telling. I would love to become a fourth as talented as he was someday. That being said, there is no way I would exchange my writing style for anyone else. I’ve had so many people tell me that they could pick a writing sample of mine out of a line up, which means I have a voice that is uniquely mine. And from what I’ve heard other people say, a voice that doesn’t sound like somebody else is very hard to come by.
Is it good, bad, interesting, or just plain weird that I’m starting to follow/keep up with/understand Dungeons and Dragons? I really don’t know how to classify this, other than in terms of it being a nice way to spend time with my boyfriend. Every Saturday he and his friends get together and play for a few hours, during which time I usually try and get homework/writing/editing done. The exception to this rule would be tonight, where I brought my homework and then decided that writing a two page analytical paper based on a poem in Wordsworth’s Lyrical Ballads just doesn’t sound like a good idea. Besides, I have all day tomorrow anyway.
I really want to do some writing, because the editing thing is starting to drive me insane. I just need to get through the editing, rewrite chapter two, and then send this off to people so that they can look at it/critique/give me constructive criticism. I have a few in mind, least of which being some of my good friends at school, my never fail editor and friend who attends a different school, and probably my dad, just because he writes for a living and has some idea of how to edit fiction.
I’m on chapter sixteen, and I’m trying desperately to get to chapter twenty-five, a distance of nine chapters. It’s taking me longer than I would’ve thought, and there are a few things I’m not fixing yet, just to see if my editors pick up on them or think they need to be fixed. So, yeah. Things are looking better this time around, although I will be in a much better head space when I can get this editing done and send it off to people.
However, I’ve been doing plenty of writing for school, starting with a short story for a Fiction class starring two side characters from my very same novel. My next project, other than the aforementioned paper, is a long essay for a memoir class. That will be really fucking interesting. I hate writing myself, and even though I have an idea that doesn’t feel too personal, I don’t know at all how it’s going to come out. And that makes me nervous. Stay tuned for updates!
Actually, I broke off a relationship with a friend because I thought he was mad in love with me and I wasn’t reciprocating. Turns out the situation was far, far more complicated than that. but I still don’t really regret not speaking to him anymore. He just had this tendency to complicate everything, and the last thing I needed at that point in my life was more complications.
Life has basically been complete shit of late. I really don’t have the energy, or the ability to say much more than that. I slog through school, I slog through work, I slog through homework, and I slog through things that are supposed to be fun, like revising my newly completed novel and reading.
I can’t tell more than half of my friends what the real issue here is, and even the two people who know anything know far more than they should. I can’t help it. I can’t keep all this crap to myself. The only things I look forward to anymore are seeing my friends and hanging out with my boyfriend. Talking to my friends from home is nice too, except for the fact that they don’t have the foggiest idea what’s happening because I CAN’T TELL THEM.
Plus, it isn’t as though my boyfriend is even here all the time, as I think my state of mind would be better if he was. He comes once a week like clockwork, and I love him to death for it because I know that, right now, it’s kind of a pain in the ass for him to get to where I am. I just . . . need to see him far more than he probably needs to deal with right now. I shouldn’t be pushing the multitude of shit that’s been going on onto him, but I want to. He’s been so good to me though, so I feel like I shouldn’t.
At any rate, here’s hoping things get better. I’m slowly sinking into a hole, and that hole gets deeper with each passing day. If things don’t improve, the light will just disappear.
Note: Sorry for all the emo-ness. Things are just really bad right now.